Message Board

Happiness

TerriHardwick — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 22:19:40 GMT

I recently watched a movie starring Irene Dunne, a famous movie star of the 30's and 40's. It was the original version of "The Women", which has been recently remade (but not nearly as good as the old one!!).

I was intrigued by Irene. She absolutely shines on screen, so I googled her. As I read her biography, I was struck by some words of wisdom passed on to her by her father the night before he died, when Irene was 11;

"Happiness is never an accident. It is the prize we get when we choose wisely from life's great stores."

Forum: Thought for the day

group on gold coast/nthn nsw?

moni_k — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 09:16:39 GMT

hi there

just wondering if i could please have the contact information etc for your group on the gold coast? i live on the northern part of nsw and would really love to connect with this group, as i have not really found the playgroup thing is for me.

kind regards monique

Forum: Local Mothertime Groups

help! frustrated toilet training!

moni_k — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 09:04:27 GMT

hi guys!

just a post to see if someone can help us please?

our son who is 3and a half soon has not been taught to toilet train until now, basically, we felt the need to just see when he was getting a bit annoyed with nappies sort of pulling at them etc,. so started last week, at first he was adamant and totally fearful of even sitting on the potty or toilet, (we got one of those seats to put under big one, and a stool to hop up), we had to resort to bribary, ouch! to get him to even sit on them by giving him a snake, (lolly). that worked, so started taking nappy off all day and putting undies on, which he has no prob with and was putting a nappy on for midday sleeps and night time sleeps! he held alot and did a few on the carpet etc which we said doesnt matter at all, and in car seat, but now, from when he gets up in morning and we take the nappy off, until lunch sleep bout 1pm he will hold his wee.and his poos, till his tummy aches and till he is busting and still wont go! he will hop on the loo, not that willingly though and doesnt let it go, so gets off , flushes washes hands etc, all really well, puts pants back on etc. so now, he held till just then from 1pm this arvo, even in the bath he wants to get out immediately cause the warm water wants to make him wee, he wont go on the grass, at the beach anywere, just in his nappy.he seems to have major major fear and anxiety about it all, but when the nappy goes on he immediately lets his wee go, and i have said, see , you can do it, and he agrees. its so frustrating and i know we are not supposed to get angry, but i am asking for help, as we are getting really angry and frustrated by this and so i know now that this would have added to his stress and made it worse! we are shocking, sorry, just know i am not supposed to raise my voice etc, what can we do?

i have a friend who constantly goes on about him not being out of nappies yet etc etc and has really put me off her, i wouldnt ever dare to be oppinionated to anyone even if i thought it, so that hurts too. sorry for rambling, i know its not life threatening or anything, just needed to talk to someone who can help .

thanks again. monique

Forum: Help and advice for mums

Thank you Melbourne Mothertimers!

YolandaC — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 07:50:38 GMT

Just wanted to say thank you to all the mums from the Melbourne Mothertime Retreat. Because of your generous gift, the committee (Eva, Lynda, Michelle, Suzanne and myself) had a wonderful night out on Friday. We went to Tokyo Teppanyaki in Chapel Street ... amazing food and great atmosphere ...and we laughed till our sides hurt! Afterwards we went out for coffee and cake - we were so full from dinner yet of course we managed to find a bit of room!

It really was a beautiful evening.

So thank you...from the bottom of our hearts.

love, Yolanda (on behalf of the committee)

Forum: Chit Chat

Touch

TerriHardwick — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 20:48:17 GMT

"I want to touch the heart of the world and make it smile."

Charles de Lint

Forum: Thought for the day

November Topic: Time to Thrive

TerriHardwick — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 20:43:14 GMT

Time to Thrive

Terri Hardwick

At our recent Melbourne Mothertime retreat, we explored what it means to thrive, rather than just survive throughout our lives. During the lead-up to the retreat, I received an email from a past Mothertime mum, which included the attachment of a wonderful list of Life Lessons, written by 90 year old Regina Brett. The advice she gives has clearly been drawn from a life-time of learning. In essence, thriving is all about growing where we are planted, and seeing every experience in life as an opportunity to learn and grow. However the secret to thriving is recognising that every day we have a choice about how we will respond to what life throws up at us. Remember, its not what happens to us that matters, but what happens in us!

Please enjoy reading this copy of the email I received:

Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of the Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio:

To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most requested column Ive ever written.

My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more

1. Life isnt fair, but its still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Your job wont take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You dont have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. Its more healing than crying alone.

8. Its OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first pay cheque.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it wont screw up your present.

12. Its OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Dont compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldnt be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But dont worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isnt useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesnt kill you really does make you stronger.

19. Its never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, dont take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Dont save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Dont wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so called disaster with these words in five years, will this matter?

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Dont take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didnt do.

35. Dont audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone elses, wed grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come.

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isnt tied with a bow, but its still a gift.

Discussion:

Read the list again and choose five life lessons that you need to learn at the moment.

Can you share why these lessons are important to you?

What is the most important lesson life has taught you up until now?

Forum: Mothertime Discussion Topics

Mothertime

MichelleChamberlin — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 23:00:34 GMT

A Mum made contact on the Facebook page who has just shifted to Melbourne from Qld. She lives in the Derrimut (Deer Park, Sunshine) area and is wanting to meet other Mums. Does anyone know of any other Mums in that area who could contact this Mum?

Forum: Chit Chat

Slow to Grow

TerriHardwick — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 08:24:22 GMT

The trees that are slow to grow bear the most fruit.

Moliere

Forum: Thought for the day

Melbourne Mothertime Retreat

MichelleChamberlin — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 23:08:57 GMT

I just wanted to say that I had a wonderful time on the weekend. It is always such a refreshing and inspiring weekend. Hearing Terri speak and her pearls of wisdom is just so encouraging and I feel so peaceful and content. If any of you have wondered about attending and were just not quite sure, I highly recommend it. To all of you that did, I sure you can agree that it is a wonderful experience.

Michelle xxxxx

Forum: Chit Chat

October Reflections

TerriHardwick — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 22:19:51 GMT

Dear Beautiful Mums,

This month has been a very busy and momentous one for me. I am forever talking to you about caring for yourselves and for your precious children and families, however the cycle of life has brought about a new "caring" responsibility for me. My wonderful mum and dad have just moved in to spend their twilight years in our home. Dad has early stage dementia, and mum's health issues means she needs to be taken care of too (to the degree she'll let me!!).

So this month I haven't prepared a topic. To be honest my mind and thoughts have been a bit haywire! I just want you to reflect on the way a family meets so many needs in life, for love, for belonging, and for care. It's such a privilege to be a family-builder!

(If your group is meeting, perhaps you could revisit one of our many old topics?)

My Love and Blessings to you all,

Terri.

Forum: Mothertime Discussion Topics

Kissing and Scolding

TerriHardwick — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 03:48:11 GMT

Some are kissing mothers and some are scolding mothers, but it is love just the same, and most mothers kiss and scold together.

Pearl S. Buck.

Forum: Thought for the day

September Topic: A New Syndrome

TerriHardwick — Sun, 30 Aug 2009 22:27:04 GMT

A New Syndrome

Terri Hardwick

I was recently blessed by spending two blissful weeks in the Cook Islands, which is way across the Pacific Ocean, near Tahiti. What struck me most about the local people was the simplicity of their lives, their love of family, their relaxed pace, and the old-fashioned habit of closing up shop at lunchtime Saturday, and having a rest till Monday morning. It took me right back to how it was in the seventies here in Australia!

On the plane trip home, I browsed through the paper at Auckland airport. Their news was similar to ours, with the usual political hassles and sports star scandals. One article that caught my eye was a report on the dramatic increase of violent behaviour amongst young school children, a common problem shared by most western nations.

This month I would like us to explore this issue together, and perhaps prevent it happening to our own children. Obviously there are many contributing factors to violent and aggressive behaviour in young children, and we dont have time to examine them in depth. However I would like to suggest one possible reason why many children are angry and frustrated today, and its something that we can go a long way to preventing in our own families.

During my work in early childhood settings, and in speaking to and meeting a large number of parents over the years, I have identified a modern habit directly related to angry children. I call it B P S, or Busy Parent Syndrome. This syndrome manifests itself in childrens behaviour, but is actually caused by parental behaviour. The main causal factors are constant busyness, and minimal time to spend at leisure with children.

For children, there is no one more important, significant, and needed than their parents. Mums and dads are the most influential people in a childs life. However if parents are constantly distracted, rushed, inconsistent and stressed, it can create the same feelings in children, resulting in anger and frustration. When a child feels constantly rushed and overlooked by the pressures of life on parents, both throughout the week and on weekends, is it any wonder that they react by behaving badly? Any attention is better than no attention at all.

Father Chris Riley once said, Behaviour is language. How true! Many children who have anger issues and behave aggressively may actually be crying out mumdadcan you just spend some more time with me, can you listen to my problems, can you give me a predictable routine and consistent rules so I know my limits? These are absolute necessities for a childs wellbeing, yet in the modern busyness of life, these things can easily slide off the radar.

There is a road sign displayed on many of Sydneys main roads, and it states in bold letters;

SAVE LIVES

PREVENT INJURIES

SLOW DOWN

I believe this is an apt warning for parents as well. I am not suggesting that we wind back the clock and try to live like Cook Islanders, but I am suggesting that we constantly monitor our busyness radar, and ensure we balance the hectic pace of life with family time; time to talk around the dinner table, kick a ball at the oval, give our children moments each day when we send them the message; you are what really matters to me.

By slowing down, you can prevent a lot of emotional injuries in your children, and quite possibly save them from harm.

Discussion:

How do you think being rushed effects children?

Why is busyness the enemy of structure, routine and consistent boundaries?

What do you think this means; An undisciplined child is an unloved child and how does this relate to Busy Parent Syndrome?

Can you share some tips on creating a slower paced family life?

Forum: Mothertime Discussion Topics

Endure

TerriHardwick — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 09:27:53 GMT

I thought this quote has a lot of wisdom behind it;

"Children's talent to endure stems from ignorance of alternatives"

Maya Angelou

Forum: Thought for the day

Time

TerriHardwick — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 21:23:27 GMT

Whether its the best of times or the worst of times, it's the only time we've got.

Art Buchwald

Forum: Thought for the day

August Topic: Handprint

TerriHardwick — Thur, 30 Jul 2009 21:52:17 GMT

Handprint

Have you ever held onto your childs hand so tightly that it left an imprint? There are many moments in motherhood when we hold our childs hand in such a way, sometimes to prevent them from getting hurt, and sometimes because we simply dont want to let them go! From the very first meeting with our baby, our instinct is to hold their hand. From that moment, hold my hand! becomes a familiar and often-repeated mantra of mothers everywhere.

This month I would like us to consider another handprint we leave on our children, one that will never disappear. I often talk about the power of our influence as mothers. There is no doubt that what we do today, no matter how seemingly insignificant, carries influence. This mothering journey you are on will never end, however it will change. You hold your childs hand for a number of seasons, until the time comes to gradually let it go. Never-the-less, you will have left an indelible imprint on the life of your child that he or she will never ever forget. The following poem by Mel Dykstra expresses beautifully this months theme.

Handprint

Unborn Hand

I watch

And see your miracle fingers

Moving on the screen

And I want to hold it already

Newborn hand

Wrinkly and wonderful

Grasping my finger

And I know

I want to hold it forever

Baby hand

Touching and exploring

Reaching for my face

So tiny, so beautiful

Most perfect hand in the world

Birthday hand

Cute and chubby

Still so little

I hold it as you take your first steps

And am filled with inexpressible pride

Toddler hand

Busy and messy

I wipe it clean

And kiss it better

And hold it tightly to keep you safe

Sick Girl hand

Hot and clammy

I stroke it gently and hold it in mine

And, in my worry, realise again

That I would die for you

School Girl hand

Bigger yet still small

I hold it so tightly as we walk to your first day

And as I let it go

My heart breaks

Big Girl hand

Now need two to count the years

Nail polish and rings

And I realise youre growing up

But Ill still hold it while you let me.

Your hand, my childs hand

When I hold it

I feel you and me

I feel us, connected

I feel right

As your hand grows bigger

I know Ill hold it less

But Ill be no less without you

Because your hand, your:

Unborn

Baby

Toddler

Birthday

Sick girl

School girl

Big girl

Beautiful, very own hand

Is imprinted on my heart

And Ill hold it there forever

And my hand

Will be there for you

To hold when you want to

Or need to

Whenever, wherever

Always.

Discussion:

Do you have a memorable holding hands story you can share?

Letting go is hard, but holding on is harder.why is this the case for both mother and child?

What is the most important thing you want to leave imprinted on your childs life?

Forum: Mothertime Discussion Topics